5 Simple steps to completely change your life (even if it’s an entangled mess)

by Erika Verhoeven


Would you like to know how you can start implementing changes in your life without your carefully crafted ‘balance’ collapsing? In this article, I’m sharing 5 simple steps to completely change your life even if it’s an entangled mess.

Changes are that you are juggling multiple roles: mother, professional, spouse, daughter, friend, community member, etc. and that you have forgotten who you are in the process. Your life has become such a mess that you can’t see the trees for the forest anymore.

You have come to the realisation that the way your life has evolved is not as you ever intended it to be. Instead, it feels like it is a nearly out-of-control wild horse that can bolt at any moment. Or more, that at any minute you will start banging your head against the nearest wall.

What happened to the dream of a peaceful household, family dinners with in-depth conversations and laughter, spending weekends together….? A pristine warm home with fresh flowers and home-cooked meals… no mess… Time to read a book, see a friend, go for a walk just because you feel like it….

Creating this scenario is definitely possible! Yes: it takes time and work and no: you don’t need to leave your home and leave everyone behind to start fresh. As this entangled mess did not create itself overnight, it is ok to take your time to untangle it, keeping what works, tweaking or purging, and creating a more balanced way to mirror what is important to you.

Doing it like that becomes a conscious process in which you will learn a lot about yourself and what is really important to you.

I will share 5 simple tools for you to ease your way into this, as I definitely do not recommend pulling the rug from underneath everything!

Step 1: Breath!

In moments where it all gets too much, or when you wake up with a pounding heart: practice Coherent Breathing. Breath in and out through the nose: 6 seconds in and 6 seconds out. Do this for 2 or 3 minutes.

You can do this as often as you like. Besides giving your brain and body a whole lot more oxygen to play with, it also gives your parasympathetic nervous system a signal that you are safe and it switches off your stress response.

Bring your awareness to your body: feel your feet on the ground, or your bottom on the chair. Realise that you are in the here and now. The rest is really not thàt important: it will still be there in 5 minutes. Or tomorrow.

Step 2: Get your mojo back

If at all possible: take a break-even a short one. Distance creates perspective. Let everyone at home know that this coming Saturday you are taking a day for yourself. Take a notebook, go for a walk in nature. Go alone, so you can empty your head and reconnect with yourself. If any ideas or thoughts come up, just jot them down (or voice record them) and let them go. Have a nice nutritious lunch, treat yourself: you deserve it. Start ‘feeding’ you. You really don’t have to do anything else. Just spend time with you. You will start waking up the creative part of your brain again.

Besides your mini break try and get out in nature regularly and if possible incorporate light exercise. It is important to get your energy back. Go alone or with your best friend, but make sure it is a friend that does not drain your energy. Again: empty your head, breath deeply, ground yourself and laugh.

Prioritizing nutritious meals is crucial in creating a healthy energetic foundation in your life and family: consider subscribing to a delivery service for a period if you do not have time for this right now. Meal planning and grocery delivery can save you time as well.

Step 3: Let people in on this

There is absolutely no reason to do this alone. Let the people in your life know what is going on, explain why you do not want to go on like this. Tell them it is your intention to make life more joyful and easier for everyone. Make sure to let them know what benefits there are for them: many people fear change and resistance could be their response.

Create a plan together: what are the most crucial bottlenecks? Delegate tasks. Make rosters. Engage your family members. Make it fun and make sure that rewards are included. Make it easy for others: hang a ‘how to’ above the washing machine, teach and show people how to do certain tasks: what is second nature for you might be new to them.

Be patient: the aim is to create quality time together during this process and at the end of this.

You might also want to explain to others that for now you have less time for them and ask for their understanding.

Step 4: Break it down

You can’t change everything at once. Start simple. Determine in what area of your life you will get the fastest and easiest results. This could be as simple as cleaning out the kitchen cupboards and the garage. Start there: success is contagious and it will start freeing up energy and time to tackle larger projects along the line.

Give your project a fancy name, break it down into small manageable steps, allocate time and schedule them in. Hang a poster on the fridge so everyone can follow the progress. Again: keep this simple. If you only have an hour once a week that is good enough: step by step you wíll get there! Only tackle the next (easy) project after this one is finished. Work your way through.

Step 5: Watch your language and your thoughts

‘I have to…..’ creates an instant obstruction for most people. Who likes to be told right? Not very productive to get through your tasks if you dig your heels in the sand and start procrastinating.

Instead: take the grown-up approach of taking responsibility and rephrase ‘I have to….’ into ‘I choose to do…. because….’.

‘I have to spend the whole Wednesday night doing taxes’, becomes: ‘I choose to spend Wednesday night to do my taxes because it will free up my weekend’. Or ‘because I feel so much better once they are out of the way’. And while you are at it: ‘I also choose to put on some good music and have my favourite green smoothie at hand so it is actually not that bad. I got this!’.

There you have it

Performing all the roles that you have taken on – mother, professional, spouse, daughter, friend, community member: above all: you are you, a member of a network of loved ones that you would like to spend quality time with.

With some simple steps, you can carefully start to untangle the complicated areas of your life that are costing a lot of time and energy so you can free up space to introduce what is truly important to you.

This is a process of personal growth: you will get to know yourself at a deeper level ànd you will find more peace within. From entangled mess to peaceful being in the comfort of your own home: definitely attainable!

Now you know how you can start implementing changes in your life without your carefully crafted ‘balance’ to collaps. You can completely change your life no matter what an entangled mess it is at the moment.


Would you like to find out about how I support people in letting go of their outdated patterns, embracing who they are at the level of the Soul, and creating a life where they express their uniqueness in abundance and freedom?  CLICK HERE to learn about how I can partner with you on your transformational journey.

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